A grandmother has taken matters into her own hands to protect lonely widows and other vulnerable people from “cruel” scammers looking to dupe them out of their money.
Ruth Grover has been ‘investigating’ romance fraudsters for nine years and providing support to victims.
After being approached online by suspicious men herself after her husband died, the ex-police dispatcher had the idea to fight back in 2014 by creating the Facebook page ‘ScamHaters United’.
The page has now amassed around 110,000 followers and likes.
Romance fraud victims can reach out to Ms Grover and her team of volunteers for advice and browse a directory of the pictures most used by fraudster rings.
The team – made up of those who had previously been targeted – provides mentorship to those struggling to cope after being duped.
Ms Grover, from Hartlepool, told Sky News anyone could fall victim to a romance scam, from the mentally impaired to educated professionals.
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The 66-year-old said the hardest part of fighting back against the culprits was having to tell victims the “cold hard truth” to make them cut off contact.
“I have spoken to thousands of people over the years all saying the same thing. When they tell me they should have known, I tell them no – you trusted,” she said.
“I had to tell one lady to put her ‘big girl pants on’ earlier and remind her she didn’t do anything wrong.
“We are just ordinary people who understand completely, and it works.”
Fraudsters have ‘upped the ante’
With Valentine’s Day approaching, TSB Bank warned this month that romance fraud is on the rise.
Cases have increased by 95% in three years, with around 7,000 victims targeted.
During one six-month period alone, scammers made almost £17m out of romance cons.
The fraudsters have definitely “upped the ante”, according to Ms Grover.
Since the pandemic, they have gone from using Facebook and dating apps like Tinder to find victims, to using Fitbit and games such as Words with Friends, Bingo and Scrabble as well.
TSB said people aged 51 to 65 were most susceptible to the scams and urged people in this bracket not to send money to anyone if asked.
And Ms Grover confirmed most people who seek out the ScamHaters United page are within this age range.
The more scams she discovered, the more empathetic and motivated she became to use her free time to expose the “cruel” fraudsters behind the mask.
Romance scams involve people being duped into sending money to criminals who go to great lengths to gain their trust and convince them that they are in a genuine relationship. They use language to manipulate, persuade and exploit so that requests for money do not raise alarm bells. These requests might be highly emotive, such as criminals claiming they need money for emergency medical care, or to pay for transport costs to visit the victim if they are overseas. Scammers will often build a relationship with their victims over time.
They may be very secretive about their relationship or provide excuses for why their online partner has not video called or met them in person. They might become hostile or angry, and withdraw from conversation when you ask any questions about their partner They may express very strong emotions and commitment to someone they have only just met They have sent, or are planning to send, money to someone they have not met face-to-face. They may take out loans or withdraw from their pension to send money. Source: actionfraud.police.uk
‘A case I will never forget’
Ms Grover knows of cases where victims of romance frauds have taken their own lives.
She knew two friends who believed they were each in a legitimate online relationship with another pair of friends, living in Nigeria.
Ms Grover said: “It went on for a while.
“The two friends met up on a regular basis telling each other everything – except for the fact both women were sending their ‘lovers’ money.
“It didn’t become apparent until one day one of the ladies arrived at her friend’s house with nowhere to go.
“She had sold her house and had given all the money to the scammer who had conveniently disappeared.”
Ms Grover says one of the women took her own life.
She added: “It’s so unfair. It’s a case I will never forget.
“It’s sometimes not about the money lost, it’s about the psychological hurt left behind.
“It’s one of the cruelest scams, and it leaves people hopeless.”
She added: “But it is rewarding work we are doing, offering support to people worldwide who have nowhere else to turn. They are mentored by people with first-hand experience, who have been through it all and come out the other side.”
Stolen identity ‘nightmare’
A small portion of day-to-day messages ScamHaters United receive are from victims who have had their identities stolen.
People whose photos are used as part of the ploy tend to also face backlash.
Author and content creator Adam Cam has had his image used in romance frauds worldwide – resulting in angry messages from older women who believed they were in a relationship with him.
The content creator recently posted a strongly worded video on social media attacking those who stole his identity to exploit others.
He says: “My partners have received infinite messages from furious women thinking that not only am I having an affair with them, but also conned them out of money, too.
“One lady told my girlfriend – now ex – that I didn’t love her because I had been seeing this woman behind her back.
“It did make her question me for a moment before realising the truth.”
He added: “It’s been a nightmare going from bad to worse. It has at points damaged the reputation of my brand and caused me to lose followers on social media.”
Mr Cam told Sky News that the fraudsters impersonate him by creating accounts with slightly varied usernames.
The scammers inform the unsuspecting victims that they are being contacted through his personal page.
Some go as far as to offer signed copies of his book for a fee.
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“The scammers are watching my page for new comments so they can message those people. That’s how they pick their targets,” Mr Cam explained.
The author went on: “This has caused me major feelings of frustration and anxiety”
To mitigate his reputational damage, Mr Cam’s personal assistant is tasked with a daily search of variations of the author’s username in order to block them from his content as soon as possible.
Every day the search uncovers new fake profiles impersonating him and ScamHaters United contact Instagram to get the accounts shut down.
Mr Cam says he feels supported by Ms Grover and her team and thinks they’re doing an “amazing” job raising awareness of the problem.
The police are unable to take any action against the people stealing Mr Cam’s identity as they are based outside the UK, he says.
“Fraudsters cause trust issues and relationship breakdowns, and there isn’t anything anyone is able to do – except of course ‘name and shame’ and make noise online,” Ms Grover says.
‘Police are almost powerless’
Joanna Bailey is a financial litigation expert at Giambrone Law, with extensive experience in romance fraud cases.
She says she has a consistent flow of male clients, typically aged in their 50s and 60s, who have fallen victim to similar scams while looking for a serious relationship.
“What can start off as an online affair with an attractive woman, can lead to a nasty divorce and an empty bank account,” warns Ms Bailey.
A popular method for fraudsters targeting wealthy middle-aged men is to use pictures and deep fake videos of “beautiful Asian women”, she says.
The predators start off with “sexts” before directing victims to foreign exchange platforms where they can get a bigger “pay day”.
Ms Bailey says she often sees cases where multiple victims have been targeted by the same fraudster, triggering a group litigation.
She has seen first-hand the true cost and devastation that romance scams cause, and the barriers that people face when trying to seek justice.
“Police are almost powerless when jurisdiction boundaries clash,” she says.
In almost every one of her cases, the civil lawyer sees a relationship between fraudsters and crypto accounts.
She thinks there needs to be tougher regulations to make it harder for scammers.
“There are no verification protocols when it comes to crypto exchanges, so you get billions of cryptocurrency passing through personal accounts every day unchecked with no red flags raised,” Ms Bailey says.
She added: “Somebody needs to be held accountable for this.”
There are ways of tracing the fraudsters – but they come at a cost.
Ms Bailey’s firm often uses an intelligence expert, who can locate the crypto wallet used by the scammer using blockchain analysis.
But such investigations are expensive and not available to every client – particularly if the fraudster took everything.
Ms Bailey explains: “A lot of the time clients are unable to move forward with the litigation process as by the time they get to me, they have poured nearly everything they have into what they thought was a genuine relationship.”
“I have had clients on the phone to me crying because they’ve lost everything and don’t have the money to see through a litigation process.
She continued: “At Giambrone Law, we are mindful of individual circumstances and work with the clients as best as we can. It’s when jurisdictions between countries don’t align, it becomes timely as well as expensive.
“A few people have sadly ended things.
“These things will keep happening for as long as cryptocurrencies remain unregulated.”
The romance fraud expert says the best-case scenario for her clients is often an out-of-court settlement to recoup their losses.
But when this happens, the fraudster is free to move on unscathed to their next target.
‘Get the proof, know the truth’
Ms Bailey supports groups like ScamHaters United for raising awareness and providing support to victims.
Her advice, though, is that the fraudsters can be beaten if people do their own “due diligence”.
Ms Grover agrees – the grandmother’s key advice to online daters is to “keep their wits about them”.
And before handing over any cash to anyone, they should “get the proof, know the truth”.
