Rachel “Raquel” Leviss is getting candid about her perspective on the past year.
“The day has finally come where I get the chance to tell my own story in my words,” Leviss, 29, said in the “Rachel Goes Rogue” podcast teaser released on Monday, December 18. “The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it.”
News broke earlier this year that Leviss had an affair with her Vanderpump Rules costar Tom Sandoval. Us Weekly confirmed in March that Ariana Madix ended her nine-year relationship with Sandoval, 40, after learning of his infidelity.
“I know what I did was morally wrong,” Leviss reflected. “And I get it, I get the anger.”
After undergoing a 90-day treatment at a trauma therapy center in the wake of the scandal, Leviss shared that she blocked Sandoval’s number — but that didn’t stop him from publicly wishing her a happy birthday via Instagram comment in September.
“I’m just trying to put myself in his shoes, like, was he doing this to be, like, spiteful?” she wondered in the podcast teaser. “Or was he doing this to be, like, ‘I want the best for you.’ Because it seems like it could go either way.”
Leviss confessed it was a “hard process” for her to “completely cut” Sandoval out of her life because “the story” she told herself about their affair made it seem “so special and so real.” It was eventually coming to terms with all of his “red flags” that allowed her to move on.
“Once I was broken out of denial and realized how manipulative he is, I couldn’t put myself in a situation where at my most vulnerable state it would just probably get me back into those old patterns that I’m trying to break free from,” she explained.
As for where Leviss stands with the Bravo show today, she shared she has “completely removed” herself from “the filming environment that is Vanderpump Rules.” (Us confirmed in August that Leviss would not be returning for season 11 of the reality series.)
Leviss noted that her “first mistake” was returning for season 10 because she should’ve “taken the time to heal” and find a therapist after calling it quits with costar and ex-fiancé James Kennedy. “Looking back at that season, I was at my lowest of lows,” she said.
After having to interact with Kennedy, 31, Leviss said she “could only imagine” the pain she would cause to Madix by filming in the same environment as her.
“Being involved with somebody’s boyfriend while they’re still in a relationship is a huge betrayal and so painful as it is,” she shared. “But then to continue working with these people, and interacting with them – maybe not even speaking – but hearing about what they’re doing and seeing your person that you loved so much and thought that they loved you just as much as you loved them, be conversing with this other person … it would just be so catastrophic and I didn’t want to do that to Ariana. I didn’t want to put her in that position.”
Leviss confessed she was “drinking a ton” while filming, but clarified it’s “not an excuse.” She added, “Point blank, I was not in a good mental space. In knowing that, I’m learning from my mistakes.”
Leviss and Kennedy split in December 2021 after a seven-month-long engagement. She added that she stands by having a “no contact policy” with Kennedy while filming, who is now dating Ally Lewber.
“When we’re working together and filming together and he’s flaunting his new girlfriend that he met three weeks after I ended the engagement, that hurt,” she said. “And there were so many questions running through my mind like: Did he ever really love me? How is it possible to love someone and then get over them so quickly?”
It was “taking a step back” that has allowed her to gain “a lot of clarity” on the situation.
“I look back at season 10 … Oh god, it is a really difficult season to watch back because I’m just cringing at all of the things and moments that they caught on camera,” she said. “It’s really embarrassing.
She continued: “But I see a girl that is going through pain and doesn’t have the right tools to tackle it and she’s coping and the way that she feels like her needs are being met is by someone who’s giving her adoration and attention and I really did not prioritize my friendships when I got involved with Tom and I regret that a lot.”
As for the rest of her former costars, Leviss said she has not heard from anyone since the affair but noted physical violence is a boundary she won’t cross. In March, Leviss claimed that costar Scheana Shay shoved her against a brick wall and punched her in her left eye after hearing about the scandal. Leviss later filed a restraining order against Shay, 38, who denied the allegation. Later that month, Leviss confirmed in a statement to Us that the restraining order was dropped.
Leviss announced last month that she was planning to “tell her story” with her podcast.
“I’m Rachel Leviss,” she said in a November trailer. “This might not be the return you’re expecting, but this coming January, you’ll hear my side of the story, and you may just be surprised what you find out. I hope you’ll join me.”
“Rachel Goes Rogue” premieres on January 8, 2024, on the iHeartRadio app and everywhere podcasts are heard.
