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Jim Fabiano is a retired teacher and writer living in York.
A few years ago, I was invited to a same-sex wedding in Massachusetts. Since we are all living in the twenty-first century this should not have been a big issue, but because I was born halfway through the twentieth century, participating in this type of affair made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t consider myself to be homophobic. I also will not allow myself to be hypocritical. In other words, I try not to lie to myself.
The day went very well. There were no wild parties amongst people dressed in wild and colorful clothes who lived in a supposedly immoral world. There was not wild music or dancing that is depicted in some movies and television shows when they attempt to show what the gay world is supposed to be. Instead, the home where the wedding took place was elegant and beautiful. It was located in a wooded area that was magnificently landscaped and had multiple art works spread throughout the yard.
The music playing in the background was subtle and clear with many people mingling in conversation enjoying the concept of talking to people whom they wouldn’t ordinarily talk to. When I first walked in, I couldn’t tell who was gay and who was straight because the patio was filled with married couples, some holding young babies with others clumped into groups talking about anything that came to their minds. There were also many different races of people from all over the world. I knew this because their conversations were in languages I had never heard before.
The owners of the home were two elderly gentlemen who were casually dressed and walked among their guests making sure they were comfortable and knew where the food and bar were. After about an hour on the patio the party was told to walk down a path that led to a secluded beach.
We all gathered on the beach and became part of a very simple ceremony where two men pledged their love for each other. I couldn’t think of anything that was wrong with what was going on before me. Looking through the crowd I noticed a few pairs of men holding hands or holding each other around their waists enjoying a concept they never thought they would be able to enjoy.
A thought came to my mind that simply asked, just because you don’t understand, it doesn’t mean it has to be wrong.
Just because you don’t know people or have assumptions of what these people are supposed to be like there is no reason you can’t enjoy the difference of what these people represent. In fact, there is probably little difference because we were all brought up with the same ethics and morals.
In today’s world, the group of people who may be most misunderstood in the U.S. are Islamic people. Because of 9/11, an image of people bent on destroying all that is important to us has been drilled into our American minds. How stupid is this? A few zealots from a world we don’t want to understand decided to take it on themselves to accomplish a horrific act. Does this mean we have to blame an entire religion because of the actions of a few?
Islamic people have been in the U.S. for generations. What I know about their religion and their Qur’an is that it is based on the same concepts of our Bible. Before 9/11 these people represented community and a friendly open spirit. I understand we were at war with the zealots but, we should also understand we are not at war with an entire religion.
After the wedding ceremony, I became very comfortable with the people who came to enjoy the reception. I didn’t care about their sexual orientation and felt a shawl of ignorance fall from my mind.
Being a retired teacher, I tell my students to never stop learning. On this day I taught myself a valuable lesson. Just because you don’t understand some things or some people it doesn’t mean they have to be wrong. All it means is there are differences all around us and this is always a good thing. This will always make us strong because people are simply people.
