Actor Jack Merrill has some ideas about why he survived a harrowing encounter with serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
In his one-man show The Save, a performance of which was attended by Us Weekly on Friday, January 17, Merrill, 65, says he was “abducted and raped by John Wayne Gacy” in Chicago when he was only 19. The performance explores the reasons why the infamous serial killer ultimately let him go free.
“The whole reason I’m doing The Save is to connect with people in a way that is way different from what most would expect from someone who has experienced what I have,” Merrill exclusively told Us following his performance on Friday. Merrill’s onscreen credits include minor roles in shows like Law & Order, Hannah Montana, Grey’s Anatomy and Sex and the City.
Between 1972 and 1978, Gacy abducted, sexually assaulted and killed at least 33 young men until he was finally caught. In 1980, he was found guilty of 33 counts of murder and sentenced to death. His execution took place 14 years later in 1994.
According to Merrill, he was one of the lucky ones despite his horrific abduction and difficult childhood.
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Growing up, Merrill said both of his parents were emotionally, physically and verbally abusive toward him and his sisters, describing his childhood home as an “unhappy and unnerving place.” He credits a lifetime of enduring his mother’s “rages” for his survival in Gacy’s home.
“My mom and having to lay low during the rages, it was the same thing,” he explained during the show, adding, “My family gave me some serious tools that I was able to use to defend myself.”
Merrill explained that Gacy liked and trusted him. He told Merrill he wasn’t “like the others.” He even took Merrill’s handcuffs off so they could sit at the bar in Gacy’s house together, have a few beers, smoke and talk but only if Merrill promised he would be “good.”
“I could tell he didn’t like the others,” the playwright explained. “He wanted to differentiate me. I knew if I listened to him, he wouldn’t hurt me. I had to accept this was normal. There was no other choice.”
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Gacy’s trust in him did not save Merrill from harm — the killer still sexually assaulted him. “This is how I lost the final stretch of my innocence,” Merrill said, adding that as the assault was taking place, he “told myself I was going to get through this, I was going to get past this.”
In an October 2024 interview with People, Merrill said of the event, “I knew if I fought him, I didn’t have much of a chance. I never freaked out or yelled.”
The following morning, Gacy let Merrill go free, allegedly saying, “You’re a good kid. I like you. Maybe we can get together again sometime.” He gave Merrill his phone number on a small piece of paper, which the actor says he promptly flushed down the toilet.
A month or two later, he saw Gacy’s face on a newspaper with the headline, “Bodies Found at Suburban Site.” Merrill, however, never came forward to the police about his story. “I decided if the police ever needed me, I would come forward,” he said. “But, they never needed me.”
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Merrill says that for a while he kept what happened to him a secret. He decided to come forward, however, after both of his parents died. He says he is happy that his parents died without ever knowing what happened to their son.
“I wanted to tell people at a certain point. It happened and it is a part of me, and I wanted them to know,” he explained. “Anyone I told grew distant from me, to try and process it, I don’t blame them.”
Merrill shared that, in order to move on with his life he inevitably had to forgive Gacy. “Actually not just with Gacy but with my family as well,” he said. “I have lived a great life. I did not let them take my possibilities away from me.”
He said, “Forty-six years later, I am still here. Happy and grateful and proud. I did not leave my sanity at that house near the airport. I am not a victim. It was one night. Something that happened. This is my life.”
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). https://www.rainn.org/
Reporting by Sienna Leone
